Dear Lina (English translation)

"I seem to be experiencing a period of stagnation where nothing is moving in my life. This has been going on for 1-2 years. I am trying very hard to chance this but I don’t know if I have the strength to do so. It concerns every part of my life, be it the job, love, family and my health. Is there any astrological indication when this might chance? Unfortunately I have made a terrible mistake and I have to life with this mistake. I have abused my partner’s trust. He knows nothing about it? Will things go back to what they used to be?

(Birthtime withheld by request. The Lady has her Ascendent in Capricorn, Moon in Aquarius, Sun in Gemini, Neptun in the 12th House squaring Saturn in the 8th)"

Dear Lina

You are writing: “I made a terrible mistake and now I have to live with it”. I could not think of a better way to describe the dominant astrological constellations that surround your question. Neptune is in the 12^th house and squares Saturn in the 8^th. The motive is guilt and punishment. It stands for feelings of deep guilt, remorse and the underlying and nagging feeling not only having done something wrong but being wrong.

Could it be that your feelings of guilt and your impulse to punish yourself for your mistake have created an energetic block? One who feels so much guilt is not allowed to be happy, alive, healthy or successful. You might feel frozen, life has come to a still stand, it is the winter in the soul. It makes me think of the Waste Land in the Grail Legend. None of this happens in the area of your conscious mind. Au contraire. With your lively Gemini Sun and the rebellious Aquarian moon you have enough wit, aliveness and ease for half a primary school. But these qualities are right now sabotaged by Neptune and Saturn and by some challenging transits.

Lilith and Saturn in the 8^th house indicate the issue of loss. Did you lose an important person or precious thing when you were small? Did you experience separation? Also Chiron on the tip of the 4^th house might indicate the fear to lose one’s home, one’s protection and shelter out of the blue.

With these constellations one might feel tempted to be as “nice” and friendly as possible, compassionate and full of understanding – but only to repress the nagging sense of guilt and fear. It will not work. In order to deal with your feelings you don’t need niceness – you need a good dose of healthy aggression and some real bite. Please! You made this mistake in the past. It is gone, it is over, you cannot correct it and it did obviously not kill your husband by putting some arson in his Campari. What ever you did – eternity will eat it up. But it is still torturing you.

People might want to say that you should “forgive” yourself, and maybe this is your idea too. With your astrological set-up this will be hard. It is as if the feelings of sin and guilt are creeping back into your house through the basement window as soon as you said good-bye to them at the front door. As I said: To deal with this you need to feel the anger and the rage about the stagnation and frustration you experienced. And I mean healthy anger, dynamic anger, the anger that you can hear in the lion’s roar – not self-hatred. But since you are so totally convinced that your mistake is unforgivable, you can not yet utilize the aggression and the male power you would need to take your space in life and hold and defend it. Instead you direct it against yourself. But this pattern is about to change.

There is no “moral” issue: With your Sun in Capricorn and the strong Saturn you are anyway more than willing and ready to take responsibility for your action. This is not the problem. The problem is that you have to let rest what is over and what cannot be changed.

Will this state chance? Yes. It definitely will. The astrological explanation for the long-lasting feelings of stagnation and lifelessness could be the long transit of Pluto through the 12^th house, a transit that comes to an end now that Pluto is approaching your Ascendant. But watch it. This transit might not be a visit to Disneyland. Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, the planet of intensity and transformation, death and rebirth. Things will start moving, maybe more intense than you expect it now. Since Pluto is also the ruler of your professional house there is the opportunity that things might chance in your job. The time of exile and the waste land is slowly coming to an end.

Will the relationship improve? I cannot answer this question without a solid analysis of the composite chart. But please consider: There is no relationship without guilt. You cannot avoid hurt and guilt in a relationship. There is no lilywhite and entirely innocent relating on the earthly plane. Your relationship might be strongly influenced by the upcoming Pluto transit. There might be more aliveness, more drive, more encounters, probably more sex but also challenging confrontations.

It might very well be that issues concerning your femininity and sexuality are appearing now (Transit Saturn – Lilith). This could be an inner process but maybe also a meeting with a seemingly difficult woman, who might nevertheless be able to help you.

Pluto will be approaching your Ascendent in about one year. It is possible that you might start to feel his energy already in the cause of this year.